Going Above and Beyond
Judging Others Favorably
By Rabbi Simon Raichik
The theme of this week’s parsha offers practical advise on how best to fulfill the mitzvah of ahavas Yisroel. This is reflected in the name of the parsha, Emor. There are two terms for speech; dibur and amira. Dibur means harsh talk while amira means speaking softly.
The proper fulfillment of the mitzvah of ahavas Yisroel is also connected to Sefiras HaOmer which we are now in the midst and also to Lag BOmer. We know that Lag BOmer is tied to the students of Rabbi Akiva, Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai and the theme of ahavas Yisroel.
Speech has a very powerful and influential effect in dealings, both for the good and chas vShalom the opposite. When we see a negative trait in another person we have a choice. We can speak about it to him or others negatively with dibur, rebuke, or, we can focus on strengthening a positive trait with amira, thereby overwhelming the negative with a positive.
So why does this really work? It works because speech reveals that which is hidden. The Gemara states that lashon hara hurts (kills) three; the speaker, the listener and the subject of the comment. Its understandable that the one who speaks evil talk brings hurt upon him or herself. Also, if it were not for the listener, the speaker would not speak. But why should the subject be effected, he didn’t do anything wrong or didn’t even cause anyone else to do wrong? The reason is because the speech revealed a negative. Now this person has to deal with something that he of she may not have even been aware of. Although this kind of speech is very powerful, positive speech is even greater, by focusing on the positive it reveals and strengthens the inner good of the person which automatically weakens negative.
This is the theme of the parsha, Emor, “Emor vamarta l’hazhir hagedolim al hakatanim”. This means that the power to influence the katan, the person who is smaller, either in years, education, abilities or any challenge in life, is by emor vamarta through using positive communication. This is the tool that the person trying to help, the gadol uses to illuminate-lhazhir the katon, his friend, student or child.
This is similar to the approach of the Rebbe Maharash of “Lichatchila Ariber” to go above and beyond in all areas of the service of Hashem. The Rebbe always mentions this in the month of Iyar in connection to Beis Iyar the birthday of the Rebbe Maharash.
This was also the Rebbe’s approach with mivtzoyim. Each mivtza was focused on the positive. For example the mivtza of eating kosher. The Rebbe once said that when you tell someone where he can buy kosher food automatically no treif will be eaten. There was no focus on how bad eating treif is for a person. So too with the mivtza of Taharas HaMishpacha and the mivtza of neshek-lighting Shabbos candles which emphasizes the beauty of Shabbos. The emphasis always remained on the positive. Emor vamarta; It works!
With this we can better understand how to judge others favorably, “l’kaf zchus”. How do you judge favorably? One might say that it means that if we see someone do something wrong or expressing some negative character trait we can say; it’s not their fault, they weren’t educated, they forgot, they don’t realize the situation they are in etc.. If that true than the statement would be not to judge another harshly, but here it says l’zchus, not to judge it as a negative but to judge him positively?
The Alter Rebbe explains that the positive approach comes from seeing his makom, better knowing what it is like to be that person. It says in chapter 30 of the Tanya that we look favorably upon the other person because maybe he is more emotional or has the influence of having to work in the marketplace etc. The Rebbe explains; “Lfi gamla shichna-the load goes according to camel”, if this person faces these particular challenges (nisyonos) its because Hashem already gave special kochos- meaning innate talents and abilities to overcome them. Our judging lkaf zchus, and giving positive words of encouragement is what brings them out openly from their potential which can then be used to overcome their challenge. This is true ahavas Yisroel.
Rav Yankle Hecht once wrote in to the Rebbe before Lag BOmer when his mood was down. After the Lag BOmer parade he turned to the Rebbe and said “The Rebbe pulled me out (of my situation)!”. The Rebbe replied while lifting his hands; “I pulled you out? I lifted you up!”
The Rebbe knows the problem but doesn’t focus on the problem. He gives kochos, chassidus gives kochos, not only that we can through the problem, but that we can go lchatchila ariber, to be uplifted above and beyond the problem.
This is the way the Rebbe looks upon each one of us. By being chassidim of the Rebbe and following in his ways, by emphasizing the positive in our homes and with our friends and with everyone, may we be zoche to nullify the cause of the galus and reveal the geula so clearly that every eye will see. A good Shabbos